Stolen Moment II

Hi!

The boys, and my husband, are all still sleeping! It's nearly 8:15 and I've been up doing kitchen clean up with the radio and cup of tea. Bliss.

So...what's new with you?

Let me se what I can get to before they all wake up...

Breastfeeding:

Eh, not so good. Milk supply has been fabulous, but direct breastfeeding has been really painful. I wrote earlier about the yeast/staph/inflamation issues I was having, and most of that has resolved, but somehow, my ni.pples are just too sensitive for tandem breastfeednig. Also, even with the frenulotomy's (tongue tie procedure), both the boys have kind of mediocre latches.  I couldn't tolerate tandem nursing, it was like being pursued by two barracudas. Awful for all of us. So in the last week we've moved to alternating breast and bottle feeding, and some weaning. The process is going pretty well, but we think we'll need to take the boys off the preemie forumula because they each gained and ounce and half a day on it. And that is way too much! Ace is 15lbs and Juice is 13lbs--quite large for their adjusted age of 13 weeks!

They are both smiliing, cooing, laughing and hooting like mad little hatters! Also, they are both rolling over, and Ace is determined to SIT! He won't tolerate being cradle held, and he doesn't want to lay on the floor, unless it is to roll. He's turned from our quiet baby to loud baby, lots of demands to be a big boy! Sooooo cute.  Juice is our little cuddle bug. Even at 13lbs he seems like a smaller baby, he is wirey where Ace is lush.

The biggest struggle I'm having at this point, and is probably affecitng my nip.ples, is with my fibromyalgia. I'm in a terrible loop of being in too much pain to stretch or exercise, but that is what would help me to not be in so much pain! I'm starting physical therapy next week, and hopefully she can do some release work that will allow me to start stretching and strenghtneing again. Oy.  I've also started taking nortiptylin.e again. It's an old antidepressant, and  I take 20mg, much lower than the theraputic dose, but it has helped me with my sleep issues in the past.

All of this body pain has made me reailize that I'm not going to be pregnant ever again, and I couldn't really live thorugh another newborn period, even with just one. A third baby has never truly been on the table, but hey, who doesn't harbor a wee fantasy of getting knocked up, or doing an FET? I sure have.  I've come to realize that part of why I'd like to have another child, is that I'd like a 'do-over'. I'd like to be pregnant for the whole 40 weeks. I'd like to get so big I can see the babies move from the outside. I'd like to give birth (or have a c-secition, not picky), and come home with a big, fat full term baby. And I'd like to have another go at breastfeeding.  So in someways, although I can see the appeal of never ending babies, there is a big piece of this that is about 'fixing' my pregnancy with the boys.  If I'd only had one in the oven, things might have been easier, but who knows, maybe not.  And I'll never know.  I am in such horrendous pain. My shoulders and fingers and wrists and elbows are always swollen or dislocated or imobilized or some such awfulness. And my poor hardworking breasts can't seem to recover from the normal 'trauma' of nursing.  

Please hold out some good thoughts for a dear friend of mine who has had her first IVF converted to an IUI. We've all been in that neighborhood, and it sucks.  

Comments

[Calliope]

I love reading these updates from you - well except I hate hearing about the painful stuff. I can not imagine doing tandem nursing at ALL. xo

[Tireegal]

Great to hear from you! You're in the kitchen cleaning? How about putting your feet up? So sorry about the nipple and body pain! I hear you on the 'another pregnancy and baby issue'! For me I really want to meet a sibling of Isobel's - would be so cool, and I want to use everything I learned again and not to mention all the paraphernalia. Not excited about being pregnant again AT ALL! in fact, if I could afford a nice young, healthy surrogate I might consider it! Never thought I would say that!!!

[Me]

My husband was on the nortipty.line for a while to facilitate sleep and it did help a little. :)

I am glad to read that your boys are thriving!

[BWUB plus one]

Those sweet boys are growing and developing like lovely little weeds! I can't believe how big they are. Sorry to hear about all the pain you're having. Isn't it always something? You have enough milk, but there's pain and latching difficulties. For me, I just never got the milk going and Scout developed a dairy allergy.

I keep thinking about another pregnancy too. Partly to give Scout a sibling, and partly for my own selfish desire for a do-over. Getting to enjoy another pregnancy, using what I've learned with another newborn, re-using some of those tiny, precious baby clothes. Sigh.

Enjoy those delicious moments to yourself!

[Kami]

It is nice to hear an update . . .even if I am reading it a month late. I hope all continues to go well.

I hear you about the 'one more time'. Although I think it is normal for women to want another baby sometimes for the rest of their lives, there is an added element when things don't go how you want.

My pregnancy went much better but I still sometimes want: to get pregnant without help, to use my genes, to have a home birth.

I notice that the first two wishes are getting less and less intense. I don't think about the third. Right now, if you asked me, I would say that I wish I had just scheduled a c-section rather than live with the disappointment of not living up to my expectations.

But life goes on and I am - and we are - so lucky to be parenting.

[Lisa DG]

I am so happy for you and for your boys- they don't even know how lucky they are to have you as their mother. I know how grateful you are and how that appreciation will shape your parenting forever.