Verklempt is the only word for it, Mike Myers be dammed

Verklempt, though popularized by Mike Myers, is actually a GREAT word for how I'm feeling right now: all choked up with emotion.

I was off the grid, and didn't read my dear friend Eva's post yesterday; she might be meeting her son today!

She is definitely going to meet the birth mom, and I think the baby, but there's always a few more steps, and nothing is certain until it is, but it is SO EXCITING!  Anyhow, I got an email and a picture from her this morning and I just about lost it. The baby is so alert and gorgeous. He has that 'newborn-as-prizefighter' puff, but even in that, you can see what a handsome and smart little guy he is.  You know how babies eyes can be unfocused and sort of blurry looking? Not him. Chrystal clear and looking right at the camera.  

If you are the praying sort, pray that if this is a match, that it goes off with out a hitch. Eva dear needs a little 'easy'  for once!

***

In 2 hours I'm having my baseline sono.  I'm a wreck. I've been holding myself in check, doing my usual not-quite-chicken-little best to manage my anxiety about what today will hold, and after seeing that baby, self is no longer in check.  

I have no illusions left. This doesn't have to work. It should work. It may work. But there are no guarantees. 

Inasmuch as I am coming off as sounding negative, there is a huge part of me that can't imagine that this WON'T work. All of the donors other recipients have gotten pregnant, both of my losses were chromosomal, so my ute is likely to be good (provided it bounces back from the lupron suppression), and yet, it is a risk.

My therapist reminded me yesterday that this is the anniversary of the cycle where I got pregnant with Sparky.  And not much after that is the anniversary of when we lost him.  In addition, it's only 2 weeks until the anniversary of losing Zoe, our sweet kitty. So to say this time of year is a bit fraught, is an understatement.

I'll do my level best to be positive. I'll update as soon as humanly possible.

Comments

[Sweet Georgia]

I hope your baseline goes well and will be sending all my best thoughts your way!

[Jill]

Gah, sweating bullets for you.

[areyoukiddingme?]

Wish I had something inspirational to say...

Much luck!

[Eva]

XOXO. You are a gem!

[Paige]

Grit your teeth and muscle through it. Next year it could be the best time of your life. I'll be thinking of you.