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    This gal is so cool. You'll wish she could be your donor. No, really.

Women on the Verge...IVF, motherhood and more

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Sock it too Me 2009!


March 11, 2010


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Sweet Georgia

Glad to hear things are moving along with your donor. I do occasionally think of our donor as the birth mother and in dark moments "the real mother". I think it's normal, but is also something I'm trying to work through. I think the idea of a gift is a nice idea and very considerate of you to think of.

Good luck with the taxes!


It sounds goofy, but since Easter is coming up, especially, there are plenty of sweets out there in the shape of eggs. Last year I was in a buddy group when we all got Secret Pen Pals to whom to send treats. The woman to which I was assigned was going through a donor egg (recipient) cycle, so I sent her a basket of chocolate eggs, with a note along the lines of "May all the eggs in your life be as sweet.". Corny, but she loved it. Godiva has really nice ones. I don't think you need to buy something extravagant, it's such a sweet idea to let her know what a gift this is to you and that she's not just some nameless donor.


Glad things are moving ahead for you...

I think a little gift a little note corny or not makes the ED day and lets them know that there is thoughts there.

It is all going to great.. keep the lalala going!

Lisa dg

To answer your question- I don't feel like my ED is the birth mother- and you won't either when you are getting morning sickness, heartburn, kicks in the middle of the night and are waddling around.

Before the process, I tried to look at it like any other donor- like with bone marrow or a kidney. I know now that it is much more than that for me- she gave me my dreams and what a special gift that really was. I didn't give her anything per say, but I put her up in very nice hotels so she would be comfortable, and ordered an edible arrangement for her room.

I spent a long time on the card I gave her and really poured my heart out with gratitude.

As time goes on, I am still so grateful but, for me, her role is fading into the background. I know that my feelings will likely change as the seasons do. For now, I feel all mother. Hope that helps.


Sometimes, I feel similarly about our sperm donor and I wish I could send him a big THANK YOU card so he'll know how much his "gift" means to C and me. And that's not nearly as big a deal as an egg donor's contribution, so I can only imagine how I'd feel in your shoes. Then there are times when I feel and know that this baby is C's and mine alone. True, we couldn't have made Ishka without a lot of help, but this is our baby to love and teach and raise. I suspect that the gratitude will last a lifetime, but the "other parent" thoughts will fade away as we develop a more concrete history and relationship with this little person.

I'm so happy things are moving along for you! And I admire your positivity- keep it up!

the good eggs

A gift is nice, but it's the letters that I love as a donor. Quite honestly, they can keep their gifts and just let me know in words that they are sane, capable, and loving (as much as humans can be). Nothing beats a letter, nothing.


Hello! I find I still sort through my feelings toward our donor. I'm glad we know her for LB's sake, but sometimes I wish I didn't. I'm glad I get to tell her in person how much I appreciate her and sometimes I wish there was no one else involved in the conception.

I like what "the good eggs" posted. I would resent giving a gift to someone who I was already paying a large amount to. I imagine I would have very much wanted to send a letter.


I don't know so much about feeling as the donor is the birth mom, but I do always assume that the baby will be female because the donor was female. Is that weird or what?


I'm glad for the idea from the good eggs about what to do for the donor. I hesitated to buy her a present and also didn't want to give her one only if we got pregnant and then we didn't and I felt like crap and now we are I really want to do something. But I hesitate to spend more money on this priceless gift.
So I will write her a letter.
And by the way, egg donors rock and I have to tell you it was such a relief for me not to have to worry about my lousy eggs but to hear all this good news coming about the donor and how well she was doing and all i had to do was focus on my uterus ( which was a job in itself)
I never thought of the donor as the birth or real mother. It's funny I am crazy about both the sperm and the egg donor but I often forget that it's a de facto donor embryo I am carrying and sometimes I remember and get surprised. But that's just me - and I know everyone has different feelings and different reasons for those feelings.
Good luck in the next part of the process. Sending lots of positive energy to you!

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