Blog powered by Typepad

Blogs by Egg Donors

  • The Good Eggs
    This gal is so cool. You'll wish she could be your donor. No, really.

Women on the Verge...IVF, motherhood and more

IVP Webring

  • IVP Webring


Sock it too Me 2009!

« Old Habits Die Hard or, Please pass the Gatoraid | Main | Cece's terrible news »

December 04, 2009


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


xo. my fingers are crossed.


I know all too well how emotionally exhausting it can be to be pregnant again after trauma. It's hard not to worry, when you've already had everything go wrong in the past. Hell, it's IMPOSSIBLE not to worry. This might sound dumb, but what really helped me was to realize that worrying wasn't going to do me or the baby any good and might even cause us some harm, but that praying certainly wouldn't hurt and might just help. So anytime I caught myself starting to worry, I turned that worry into a prayer. I'd pray specifically that whatever nightmare scenario I'd envisioned would NOT happen, and then I'd pray a more general prayer that my child would be healthy in body, mind and spirit. It definitely helped my mental state... I was able to feel like I'd released that worry. Didn't stop me from worrying again or about something different, but at least it stopped that panic spiral.

I'm wishing you a peaceful weekend and a happy Monday!


I wont tell you things will be different, etc, because I cant promise that. But what I will say is that I am thinking of you and hoping for the best.


Yes. It is hard. So hard after losing so much to think that you could have it is one of the hardest, if not the hardest, things I have ever done.



I understand waiting and having no control over things. Maybe do something this weekend to give yourself a break? a movie or something?


I was thinking about you today before I saw your latest post. I remember how stressful early pregnancy was, even without having experienced a loss. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to stay calm while waiting to see what the next ultrasound will bring. I'm so nervous and excited for you that I can barely stand to go a couple of days without an update.


Yep. The best you can hope for sometimes is to be neutral and just know that you will survive what comes. I will be hoping good things for you.


I will have a NT scan next week on my frickin birthday and yeah, I'm nervous and terrified. I talk to MrBeep about it and all we can eventually say is, well the die was cast on Day 1. Those little guys are either fine, or they aren't. One option will have you over the moon, the other one will throw you into the pits of hell and there isn't a damned thing you can do about it. And. That. Really. Sucks. You said it perfectly about looking down that barrel of the gun, wanting to be there but also being almost overcome with worry and fear. I get it too and I'm truly sorry that you have to endure any of this heartache.

I wish you all the very best on Monday. For what little it is worth, I'll be thinking bright thoughts for you.


Yup, no one can really tell you it's going to be fine or they have a good feeling without sounding trite at this point. For those of us with past losses, these u/s checkpoints are terrifying and thrilling. You're petrified of them and impatient for them. They can break your heart or sustain you for a bit longer. But a trusting innocence is gone and it sucks. We know how much can go wrong so we don't skip to the appointments, smiling. We go in with hearts pounding and fingers crossed so hard our knuckles start to ache. But at the very end, if we make it that far, we will never that take baby for granted for one single day. And I'd trade that innocence for thorough appreciation any day.

Julie Levin

When things get scary and there is no way to turn on the lights and see that the monster is really a shadow, I think, what would Robyn, my therapist say?

She would say, have your inner mommy hold you close and tell you, of course this is scary. You have had a terrible trauma that will be triggered on and off throughout this pregnancy. And whenever you feel scared or unsteady, you can turn inward to the mommy within, to love you and hold you. Let her remind you as often as you need, that she is always there for you. She will never dismiss your feelings or shame you for wanting (and having) straight juice. And whenever you fall down, she will pick you up gently and tenderly.

When Robyn reminds me I have this unconditionally loving resource available within me, it makes the hardest moments a little easier. If it helps you too, keep your inner mommy close tomorrow.

And know that I will be among those holding our breath for your next post.

The comments to this entry are closed.