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Sock it too Me 2009!

« Negative | Main | Living it up, just a little »

September 19, 2009


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I know what you mean. So much of this post rang so extremely true. God, I'm tired of KNOWING all this stuff. Tired of being the only one of my IRL friends who has any notion at all what it is like to sacrifice so much - money, body, health, emotional health, etc. - and have absolutely nothing to show for it.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I'm sorry we all are. Thank you for writing this post, though. It says an awful lot about what I've been thinking of lately. Be well.


So sorry and thinking of you. ((HUGS))

After Words

You're a better person than I am. I stopped going to the showers. I stopped sending the presents. I was bitchy and miserable when we mixed with the general population...until I stopped mixing with the general population. Thank God for the Internet.

I wish there was something I could write that would make one iota of difference in the way you are feeling, but I know I can't.

Wishing you brighter days ahead.


I'm so sorry. That really does suck.

I wish you strength as you move forward.

I know this is probably a stupid question, but if plan B is using DE/DS, would you consider donor embryos instead? A FET would be so much cheaper, so you could afford several tries for the same amount of money as one DE/DS cycle. I do realize that different issues are involved, and don't mean to second-guess your decision. I just really really REALLY want this to work for you.

Not On Fire

I have stood where you are. I know how hard it is. I hope that you path forward is more peaceful.


This sucks, and that's all there is to it. I'm sorry.


We love you. You are definitely not invisible to us, and I'm glad you don't feel that way. Babies are here for holding when you're ready.

Big hug!


This hand MORE THAN sucks, and that's all there is to say, FOR NOW.

SquarePeg RoundWhole

I wish I could offer up some word of wisdom or advice. But you're right - really, the only thing I can offer is that "yep, that BLOWS."

Some days the only thing that helped me was to remind myself that "this" couldn't last forever. No matter what we decided: donor eggs, childfree living, adoption - at some point we'd make the decision and go with it. We'd try, we'd reassess if necessary, and at some point, a decision would stick and it would become our new reality. It may have taken 4 years or 10 - but not my whole life.

Small consolation, I know.


hating all of this for you. so much.

Dreams and False Alarms

yes. yes. But until I'm ready, I'm just going to let this sit.


I remember a time when I thought something similar--this hand sucks and damn it, why did I bother even sitting down at the table?

The situation sucks and there is no way around it.


I am still waiting for it to all just be a bad memory - but the reality has softened quite a bit.

It does suck, there is no way out but forward and there are no guarantees that a DE/DS cycle will work.

I found myself nodding throughout your post. Invisible (check); tried to be perfect, to be perfect and it didn't work (check); hated mixed company (still do - check); kept my eye on the prize and didn't spend too much time grieving (check).

I wish could fix it for you. I wish I could guarantee a baby on this very next cycle.

FWIW, you imply your clinic has a 60% live birth rate for DE. Other clinics have close to 80%. Around here the cost is about $25,000 for DE and a 75-80% live birth rate depending on the year. Maybe you can up your odds a bit. Still no guarantee, of course.


I'm so sorry this has been so hard. I wish there was something I could do to take the big angry emptiness inside away. I wish there was something I could do to make your dreams come true. Skip the damned events for a while, let your heart mend. I think Sara's suggestion of donor embryos is a great option if that is something you would consider. And listen aren't invisible. You are strong and smart and remarkable.




Just wanted to write that I'm here reading, and thinking of you. Infertility sucks, and living in a world where people have no idea how much you are suffering makes it even harder.


WHAT A POST!!! I'm so sorry I'm so late in commenting. No excuse other than just keeping my head in the sand lately.

Your analogy is excellent. Expectation of outcome is central to why any of us EVER put our heads down and shoulders into it. (Unless of course your a masochist or altruist, both of which are exceedingly rare.)

As for the mixed company thing... two years ago, actually two years and two months ago I was on a business trip. It was a conference and of course one evening there was a big, organized, everyone get piss-drunk dinner/event. One the way home, on one of the LAST, nearly empty, chartered buses of the night, the little group I was with started gossiping about one of the guys in the back of the bus. Apparently he had his son via IVF, but had to do a TESE to get the sperm. I'm drunk so I start correcting and explaining their erroneous assumptions ... until one guy looks me dead in the eye and goes "How do you know all this?" I just shrugged and said "How do you think?" Conversation over. Did I mention this was a BUSINESS event? Doh!

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