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Sock it too Me 2009!

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July 12, 2009


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Peter and I were discussing today how people dont seem to mind butting into people's baby making business yet infertility is a tight lipped thing. I think the reason men take IF issues so hard is because no one ever talks about it and they feel utterly alone in their struggles. Even though we've gone through so much IF (my issues, not Peter's, although we didnt know that until 2007), when I posed the question of whether or not he would open up with, say, a coworker, who let it slip that he and his wife were struggling due to MF, he shook his head. "Men arent really like that." And that, I think, is part of the problem. If more men talked about it, they'd feel less alone. No, the grief wouldnt be mitigated, but the isolation would be.


I have a hard time not being the helpee in IF - I try to be my husband's rock in other ways.

You guys sound like an amazing couple. I am so happy that you will be exploring many options - that is something that would open my world too.


I'm glad the two of you were able to talk it out.

One of the things that sdrprised me most was how emasculated my husband felt by the knowledge that HE was more broken than I.



The Husband

Thank you baby. You kinda made me cry.


What a great friend!

I agree, it is important - genetic connection or not - to involve the father. I think it is easy not to. In our case, I am with LB so much more, I nurse her and she looks to me for all things. I have had to all but tie myself down to avoid rushing over to pick her up when dh is there and does just fine. I think it is instinct because I have 100% trust and faith in DH

Also, since this pg my last chance with my eggs is likely up in smoke. The thing is, as LB gets older, it seems to bother me less. At least I think about it less and less. She is just who she is and I can't imagine another. It's not that I still don't wish for my genetic child sometimes, but for the last few months at least, the longing has been less.

And, like I have said, it is hard to not feel cheated when your genes are threatened because of someone else's issues.

I wish both of you healing, peace and a baby.


Hey S - thanks for your support.

Hopefully I am going to make it. My uterus is the easiest to blame at this point but it could be any one of a million things if this ends. I will start digging again if I lose this pregnancy.

I hope you are well.

Traci (blueowl)

I'm so glad to know you are taking care of your husband's heart too. This is so hard for everyone involved. Big hugs for you both.


My husband has amazed me from day 1 of our IF journey, which really began when I sent him in for SA. I had a strange inkling something was up with his swimmers, and it turned out to be true. His response to using donor-sperm? "Any child that comes out of you is mine." It stinks that we have to go through IF to appreciate our spouses in as many ways as they deserve, but it wonderful to know we married the right guys.

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