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Sock it too Me 2009!

« What I did on my vacation from IVF | Main | Holy F*#king Curveballs Batman! »

March 29, 2009


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Have you come across Pamela Jeanne?

She has a lot of thoughts on living childfree after infertility.

I think that the Big Thoughts about where to go have to be had, it's healthy,



Mo and Will

Hmmmm....interesting. Look forward to seeing how your thoughts/feelings evolve as you move through the cycle. I agree that it is a sign of strength and resilience to be able to truly consider all the options.

I know that my husband Will and I are trying to make the most of this child free time, both in terms of intensive training and travel.

Nice to hear from you. Look forward to following your latest part of the journey.



I can't imagine coming to the end of treatments, or being faced with such a decision. But in my experience, 'trying out' different potential outcomes in your daydreams/plans/conversations with people can help you come to a clearer decision. So enjoy the planning, and see where it takes you. There are many wonderful couples who are happy about their choice to live without children, and just as many of us crazy infertiles who would mortgage our entire life to grow our families. I'm sure you'll make the right decision in the end.


Well, believe it or not, I've thought about that too, but those feelings don't last for long. Maybe it will be different for you and I think that you should explore all of your options and figure out what's right for you. xo


I think it would be sad indeed, if you were to deny a child of all the love(and endless advice!)I know you have to give. That doesn't to me mean that you need to continue this disheartening pursuit of a biological child... at this point its got to be about more than that, and i know it is. But there are so may children out there who would love to have you and your husband for parents, and I know your hearts are big enough to love any child as your own. I feel silly writing this, not really being in a position to say anything at all. But I don't think you (in particular) would ever regret a decision to love and raise a child, and I can't say the same for sure about a life without them... again, just from how I know you. I could be very wrong. But that's my two cents.

karen oakley

As you know I LOVE my life without children, there's so many things you can get up to without them around. wether or not you are able to have them, live out your dreams, every day can be an adventure and everyday should be an adventure. My tips for a happy life are try new things as often as possible and do not pre-decide wether you will like them or not!

Karen xxx


in response to your response to my response,
take your time. take your sweet mother f#@%ing time.


The advantages of a child free life occur to me from time to time too. There was a good long time that I thought I didn't want children. It is not a bad choice, and it might be the right choice for you. And you are right - trying out that choice is part of the process. I have friends who do not want children and their lives are very full and very happy.

For me the decision to move to donor eggs was practical, but stemmed from two parts. One, to be frank, is the fact that a child free life to me, right now, feels like losing. I know this is silly, but I'm not done fighting IF. The second, vastly more important reason is that in the final analysis, on my proverbial (or literal) deathbed, I would regret not being a mother. It is such an integral part of the human experience that I know I would feel like I had missed something - something huge.

There are other ancillary reasons that don't amount to much to anyone but me - all of the child-free women over 50 that I know are batshit crazy; kids are the best science experiment ever - but really, it's something too difficult to put into words. I just know I want to be a mom.

That said, I think I could also be happy with a few dogs and lots of extra dough!


You sing? :)


I think you're awesome and brave. You know, I have kids, and I love them to pieces, but that alternate path still has its allure. There's more than one way to be happy.


there are so many scenarios possible and from my experience the best thing to do is to not overthink things. you should just relax and wait to decide things when you need to. you may feel completely differently than you do right now. don't waste your energy just go with what's happening now.
i had so much angst living through decisions that ended up never happening. things will work out and you will know the right decision for you. i have a son through donor eggs. i wasn't sure at all about it up to the transfer and even birth i was so torn, but now it's a different story he is 9 months old and i'm sure now it was the best decision and i'm glad we have him. i definately think about it alot still, but couldn't imagine not having him in my life


I think the point of all this is perspective, not necessarily a permanent change of heart. It seems like what you've allowed yourself to do is look at the other side of the coin without fear (at least not prohibitive fear), and see some reality and even advantages there.

That's such a valuable insight! It's like you're slowly backing away from the black-and-white thinking that made you feel so miserable, and really accepting the many, many, many shades of gray that the world is really made of.

I don't see self-doubt or an abandonment of hopes and plans or anything like that in this, I just see someone learning to find peace in the process, whatever it brings. And that can only bring better things, in the long run.

Good for you, sister.


kate :>

Pamela Jeanne

Found you through Kami's blog. Just wanted to wish you the very best with this cycle. I hope with all my heart that it works. Regardless, I'm here for you...

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