Surrender--but not in a bad way!

I have been bled and sonogramed, and the consensus is that I will likely get a call this afternoon giving me my trigger/pre-transfer instructions. The 5 eggs we had yesterday are still cooking along nicely, and my lining is a 7.1, but has a "perfect" triple layer construction, so that is gonna be what it's gonna be. It took a while for the tech to get it, but luckily she was persistent, and got the best view of the lining she's ever gotten on me. 

We had our pre-op with Dr. Calm yesterday.She said that studies show that ICSI, when it isn't needed, doesn't really help results (now don't freak out if your clinic does ICSI on every oocyte--they all have their reasons), so we're going to skip it. Assisted hatching will be done if we do a day 3 transfer, so that is in the bag. I guess blastocysts don't need ti because they are already hatching?  She did say we might be seeing an age related decline, or the higher stim dose could be having a paradoxical effect. Although that is slim, I am the girl who makes cysts on birth control pills, so never say never. 

She did say she wondered about converting to an IUI, but we all felt that we have better chance, such as it is, with IVF, and hardly any chance with IUI, so we are sticking with the big guns.  And if you've been reading this blog for a while you will know, I like my anesthesia, so it's a win for me!

Husband is pretty sleep deprived and sad about this cycle, but he's coping.  I am still absurdly optimistic. There isn't a lot of reason to  be, but I think that I must have hit bottom over the last few months, and my belief in obsessive control is not as strong, so I am surrendering to the possibility that it may work just as strongly as the possibility that it may not work.  Why is that such a relief?  If you could get pregnant with worry, I was a teen mother.  A worry baby...hmm.

Our tentative plan, if this cycle doesn't work, is to do another IVF with my eggs, maybe return to the prior dosage, and if that one is a bust, move on to donor eggs. Sounds all neat and tidy, but I can tell you there is gonna be some weeping and screaming and some really ugly noises coming out of my nose and mouth.  The fact that this may never work, is really hitting home for him, and as hard as that is to see, it is also creating a new level of empathy between us, and that will be crucial for our process of moving to donor eggs.

The road is still in front of us, but it is more a map than a horizon.

Comments

[Eva]

You have great attitude. It sounds like things are going the way they should. I love your map imagery. Maybe I should aim for that? You and your husband are bonding over your 'map' and that's really special. Why get upset unless you absolutely have to? ...sending positive vibes.

[cat, galloping]

Hang in there!

STILL jealous of your short protocol! :)