Dreams and False Alarms: Misery would really like some company (or not, I can't decide)

Misery would really like some company (or not, I can't decide)

So, you will note that I am a pretty positive blogger. I usually stick to sad or happy, but rarely the snarky posts taht garner many readers, but are also kind of controversial.

For the record, I have been allowing myself more snarky feelings lately. I'll tell ya, it ain't easy, and it doesn't keep all the wolves from the door, but it is a nice change of pace.

I would like to say, in a totally immature and obnoxious way: No one else get's pregnant before me. Hear that? Like this person did. Yeesh. I actually blew a raspberry at my computer screen. Jezzeus! Clearly the key to reproductive success is becoming a Redbook blogger. I guess I haven't tried that, but I think my late entry into the blogosphere, and my relative lack of snark, has left me without a chance at that magic bullet. I swear, again, really not intending to make sense: What the FUCK! I hate it that I've done every thing everyone else has done and still I'm here on the fucking sidelines. Yes. It hurts, and it's not fair. And blah blah blah life isn't fair, but for once I am taking the low road and saying "I'd like a serving of fairness, and make it snappy sister!"

It is probably about 7 days from cycle day one, and there fore 8 days from cycle day two, the magical lupron injection start date. I am back in the running, I may even be fodder for someone else's raspberries and jealousy (from my fingertips to God's ears, oh wait, I'm an atheist, I knew this would complicate things...), but right now You Are All Having My Baby, and I want it back. See, I told you there was plenty of crazy in here to go around.

So this is where I am stuck. I really don't want anyone one I love to know this pain first hand, I don't even really want people I don't know to experience this first hand, but it is very lonely to be the 1 out of 4 women who experience infertility. Truly, of the women I am close to, I am her. Shitty. Ok, I have one friend who went through IVF, but she's a friend of a friend, who didn't become a friend until I started down this road, so that doesn't count (but she is awesome, and if I could put her in my pocket and carry her everywhere, I'd probably be a lot happier).

So, you, go get pregnant. Really, I do want you too. My husband will steal me a baby if that is what it comes to. Watch out mothers of high order multiples, its gonna be Raising Arizona time around here if I don't get my baby soon!**

**Okay, okay. Not really. A girls gotta have her outlets, eh?

Posted at 07:43 PM in Infertility, Ranting | Permalink

Comments

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Ah. I still feel some of these emotions, even though I eventually got lucky, you see all my friends are busy having second and third babies.

Posted by: Geohde | November 23, 2008 at 12:54 AM

Go ahead and feel how you feel and don't feel guilty about it for one second. You have every right to fell bitter and snarky today. I've been reading through your back posts and I can't believe everything that you guys have been through. You've really been through hell.

However, I'm happy to hear that CD1 is coming up soon - I'm really looking forward to being a cheerleader for you guys.

Posted by: Les Make Babies | November 23, 2008 at 06:45 AM

Go ahead and feel exactly how you feel and don't feel guilty about it for one second. You have every right to feel snarky and bitter today. I've been reading through your back posts and I can't believe everything that you guys have been through - you've been through hell.

I am happy to hear that CD1 is a few days away - I'm really looking forward to being a cheerleader for you guys on this next cycle.

Posted by: Les Make Babies | November 23, 2008 at 06:48 AM