I'm so sorry about the lack of posting. I really miss both writing, and responding to
comments from you all!
Ace is doing really well, and may be released from the hospital next week, Juice is making great strides, but he's still on o2 support, so he's staying put for at least 3 weeks, hopefully not more. The thought of him having any significant milestones, especially smiling, with a nurse breaks my heart. The best rationalization I can come up with, developmentally, is that he is in 'nightcare', instead of daycare. But it is a cold comfort. We've missed so many firsts with these boys: first diaper, first bath, caring for their umbillical stumps, and on and on, that the thought of missing anything else is excruciating.
Overall, I am doing well--still carrying all 25 lbs I gained during pregnancy, but hey, they have bigger pants for that problem!
I lovelovelove my babies, and I'm so happy that we stepped off the fertility merry go round and chose this path. As rocky as it has been, there is a lot of joy now, and a lot more to come, and that is what I wanted.
Watching my husband love them, advocate for them, and just generally give his whole heart and soul to parenting them is awe inspiring. It is so wonderful to see that all our loss and pain didn't break us, we can still love deeply.
Happy early valentines day!
***Thanks to "It is what it is" I realized that in a way, it is like an adoptive mom's experience. I have to let go of what I couldn't be there for, and count our experiences as the 'real' ones.
Love you guys!