Here we are, 6 days from the beta, and I'm just sort of stuck in the murky middle. I alternate between thinking the cycle worked, and thinking it didn't.
Last night around 3:30am, I got awakened, and thought "I haven't had to get up to pee! That must mean I'm not pregnant." I was awake thinking about it, but also, my sacrum and SI joints are a mess, and was uncomfortable and freaking out a bit about having such a bad back at the moment and if I am pregnant, how screwed I'll be. But I was observing how much less freaked out I am this cycle/2ww. Not detached or disconnected, but not as nearly psychotic as I've been before. I know that part of that was the fear of this: DE being our only option. And if you've been around this blog for a while, you know I've been wrestling that beast like a mofo. If this cycle doesn't work, we have two day 5 embryos and one day 6 embryo, so not all hope is lost, but also, not a lot of room remains in that plan.
I know if I'm not pregnant I will be devastated, sad, angry, scared and more. But I'm not having all those feelings right now, and that is a victory of sorts for me.
I have an insane work day ahead--that ought to keep me out of the weeds!