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« Someday's I just feel sappy all day long | Main | Looking up »

May 26, 2010

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Summer

"show me (the good lining, the good estrogen, the good fert rate, the good blast, the positive test, and on and on), and then i'll get excited."

I hear ya.

Try not to be so hard on yourself about withdrawing. This is kind of a critical time and I know I was waiting for the bad news to end the cycle every. single. day. during the wait to my fresh transfer. There is just so much at stake. So, if you need to just pull back a lot to help you get through this, then do it. We will all still be here when you are ready to connect again.

Tireegal

I'm sorry that you feel so battle scarred - but considering that you do, it sounds like withdrawing is a protective measure. It sounds natural if uncomfortable and I think we all wish for the elusive euphoria.
I don't know what your E2 has been in the past, but mine was really slow to rise - even slower than you I think. We added more E2 and it improved. My doc said thst if the lining is looking good they don't worry too much about the E2 numbers. But I know that's so easy to say.
I don't think we'll ever regain our innocence. Pregnancy after IF is for me a slow painful trudge with small moments of delight. Add a miscarriage and the mud gets thicker. Do whatever you need to do to keep putting one foot ahead of the other. I'm sending you lots of hope and peace. And yeah - 23yr olds totally rock!!!!
(( hugs))

meinsideout

((HUGS)) - there were many periods where I totally withdrew...and that is so okay.

I am keeping it all crossed for you.

Sweet Georgia

We do what we must to get ourselves through. Do whatever feels right for you. Keeping you in my thoughts as you go through this cycle.

Mad Hatter

Yeah. I hear you completely. And we may be worn and weary, but dare I say we are wiser. Every step, every number, every appointment, every dose - they are meaningful and they are taking us forward. I am about a week behind you (started stimming today)...Sending you estrogen-increasing thoughts and Ms. Donor follicle-growing thoughts...Keep on keeping on, sister.
Love,
Maddy

Lara

Holy moly! Them's alot of follies, yay donor! As for your E2, don't worry about it -- it took a while for my E2 to get going but once it did, it climbed nicely each check. I bet you'll be fine for this cycle.

And remember, this blog is YOUR outlet and YOU determine how much or how little you feel like sharing at any given point. Sometimes my blog seems like the best outlet in the world and sometimes it seems like one of the list of chores I have to do. You just need to give yourself a break and realize that we'll be here to read and support when and if you're around.

Kami

Gosh, this is so well said. Tireegal puts it pretty well too.

You will survive and you will have times of joy too. My goal was just to enjoy each moment the best that I could and I feel pretty good about doing that.

Stephanie

Keeping fingers crossed for high numbers on estrogern and good amount of eggs... and don't feel bad about thinking you have been withdrawing --sometimes you give and sometomes you have to lean on others to give to you. We have all had times when we want to close out the world and just be alone.

Heather

Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow. I'll be thinking of you.

I so hear you on retreating to your cave. My visceral response to emotional pain is to withdraw from almost everyone. I'm not one to wear my emotions on my sleeve either, so I'm pretty sure I've left people scratching their heads and wondering WTH is wrong. I've finally given myself permission to be selfish in this way. Sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And it's okay.

GL tomorrow!

Rebecca

Praying that tomorrow is full of good news!

jaded

I was possibly the most repulsive, pessimistic pain in the ass after my losses. I don't expect sunshine from you either at this time - but hope and determination? - hell yeah. I'm glad things are looking up.

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