Normally I would respond to each of you, but I just can't summon the energy.
Here is the deal: The coordinator presented the high BMI as no big deal, just would require a bit more medication. Husband wanted to talk directly to the doctor to get reassurance from Dr Calm herself. Well, she didn't deliver. She said with a higher BMI the eggs are harder to retrieve (sometimes requires another doctor to manually manipulate the abdomen during egg retrieval), sometimes fewer are produced, and sometimes there are anesthesia issues (breathing problems because of heavier chest?)
Before anyone tells me about their story, or anything, here is the thing : She did not say it WOULD happen that we would get fewer eggs, she said it COULD happen. And we are absolutely in no position to take any risks, emotionally or financially. I've made all the arguments, mustered all the data, but since we are so so far from having an ounce of buffer, we can't take the risk.
I am heartbroken. The donor feels horrible to have put us in this position, she had no idea that this could be a problem. She went through a lifestyle change (changed jobs), and stopped exercising, and put on about 45lbs. She is really motivated to lose the weight (and is probably out there running up and down the block), but it may be too little to late. No, it is too little to late. For her to safely lose 20lbs, it would take 3 or 4 months. Ugh. Why did no one ask her about her weight? She could have lost at least 10lbs in the 6 weeks we've been dicking around with paperwork. Argh.
The only bright spot is that a donor we liked at our clinic, who was snatched away for a shared cycle that fell through, is screened, on the pill and raring to go. This seems like a no brainier. But damn. I like our Darling Donor. I'm attached. I'm finding it hard to move on.
This is going to be one tough weekend.
Lots of tears and bags I thought I'd finally put in the closet have all toppled out on top of me, and I feel flattened.