Hi! Sorry for the silence. Between getting the taxes prepped for the CPA, and my new work project, I've had little time for blogging, or thinking about blogging. I do have thoughts, but none compelling enough to cut through the other busy work.
Things with our donor continue to move along swimmingly. She has had her psych eval, her legal consult and has called the clinic coordinator to set up her appointmetns. I guess it all hinges on her cycle at this point, since we need to get an FSH/E2 read before we can proceed. Right now, I'm just going "LALALALALA it will all be fine!" because, well frankly, I need to. I can wring a negative thought out of just about any situation, so I'm sitting on it.
One thing I find very interesting is that I find myself trying to imagine the perfect gift for her. These imagined gifts are all presented in a red canvas basket (like the ones you can get for your grocery shopping or gardening? not sure). And then like a bolt of lightening it hit me: I want to presnet her with some sort of womb stand in, something to say "I need your eggs, but I'm full of good sweet things to give this baby." Not in a competative sense, at least I don't think it is, but more in a reassuring sense.
Does anyone else find themselves feeling sort of as if the egg donor is the birth mother? I know she isn't, but it is the narrative my mind leaps back to over and over. I wonder if this helps me, or not? Does it make me feel like she needs to be included, or is it that she is what I have of this baby right now, and so I am thinking of her? Color me confused.
Most of the time, I'm excited, anxious, and ready to be getting going already, and then another part of me is happy to have this time to just let my attachment to her wax and wane, and to figure out what is happening inside of me.