There are probably 400 million kajillion posts out in the blogosphere about how cool and awesome and amazing and wonderful it is to connect with someone on-line. What I find fascinating is what connects a person can be something so specific but what makes a is something far more special and rare.
I created my family with the help of donor gametes. In my particular case I needed donor sperm. And so when I began quietly walking along the long and windy hallways of the internets I sought out other bloggers that were donor gamete needers. Some needed eggs, some sperm, and some the whole shebang. What drew me in was the process other people went through. I enjoyed reading how other people or couples culled through donor profiles. I wanted to know everything about everyone else's methodology. Having a collective pool of other people's course of action gave me a sense of normalcy.
I have to be honest, my path was always obvious. I am single. I was not interested in using a known donor and I am not a lizard and able to make both sperm and egg. In order to make a baby in my body (or lab, as the case ended up being) I needed a sperm donor. And all of my real concerns centered around what he looked like and whether or not his handwriting looked like a serial killers. I had no one else to consider. And there was a bizarre sort of freedom in that.
One of the things that I adore about Sarah's blog (oh yes, I am totally going to use this cross-pollination to tell you how much I adore her) is that she is one of the most considerate and thoughtful people ever. And as she travels down her and her husband's path to parenthood she writes these breathtakingly honest posts that have me thinking about things that I should have thought about ages ago. "How is your mother? She had a bladder infection" as just a taste, is especially amazing. "Am I Jonah or the Whale" This one too.
Just one of the things that I get to deal with all on my own:
resemblance. I totally picked a sperm donor that came from the same European ethnic pool party as me. I picked a donor that looked like he could be a distant cousin. And one of the reasons is because I wanted my child to look like he belonged to me. I did not want there to be any doubt that I am his and he is mine. And I never stopped to think what this process must be like for couples. It's fucking brutal.
But really, if you want to know how amazing Sarah is, I am going to tell you something that you don't know about her. She was one of the very first people that paid me money to design a header for their blog (thus helping me afford IVF/FET). It was ages and ages ago (or so it seems!) and I really was flying by the seat of my photoshopped pants, not really sure if anyone had any interest in such bloggy design stuffs. I was expecting people, if they asked at all, to just ask for basic stuff. You know, something along the lines of, "I like kitties and the color yellow".
And then Sarah met my inbox. And she had this incredibly stunning and elaborate specific visual in her mind. I'm not sure if I can even do it justice to explain it because it was just way over my head. Way.
But I wanted Sarah to like me and to like my work so I attempted version after version. And I sucked. But Sarah kept encouraging me, kept cheering me on. And she is one of THE reasons why I finally got better and more comfortable in my skills. She's just the sort of person that wants you to be the best version of you. But in the kindest way possible. There aren't many people like that.
Who wrote this post? Way obvious? Way over your head? Have a guess in the comments! Check out all of the http://missionimpossibleinfertile.wordpress.com/2009/11/10/pross-collinate/