Dreams and False Alarms

Fertilization report--Updated

Dr Calm hasn't called yet. They usually call between 8 and 9,so this is unusual. I'm really hoping that there were some emergencies and that she is not waiting to give us bad news. Ugh.

UPDATE:

My favorite nurse called a few minutes ago to tell me the bare minimum: out of 9 eggs, 6 fertilized. WHEW!!!!!!

Dr C will call later with the details, but again WHEW!

Come on embryos! Mama and Daddy need a win!

9

We got 9. Here's hoping at least 6 fertilize. More later when I'm notso groggy. Whew.

Trigger tonight!

Dr Calm called around one to say that she recommended that we trigger tonight. Usually it's a defin
tive decision, but since we have some stragglers, she wanted to make sure we were on board with the decision. We will trigger tonight at 8:45.

Dr Calm thinks we'll get 8, so hopefully 4 will fertilize. She recommened not deciding to do ICSI until we see what we have sperm and egg wise. Apparently an immature egg can mature in the lab, and so using the micro drop method is better in that circumstance. If you know an egg is mature, then ICSI is fine--you can't use ICSI on an immature egg.

Overall, I'm not feeling desperate or stressed. Whatever happens we will be ok.

Things that make you hmmmmm

That would be this cycle.

So, the monster follicle was probably two follicles with an invisible septum, the doctor made that determination because the monster was gone and I gained a follicle. So, that is positive.

Lefty is still a bit ahead of righty, but they think one more day of stims and the little ones will catch up enough to have a chance of having a mature follicle in it.

All in all, this is not a great cycle, but it isn't total crap.  Husband is feeling pretty pessimistic, and I'm feeling sort of...optimistic-ish(?)  I don't think it's a slam dunk, but I'm feeling like there is some little chance that one of my leathery old eggs might just work. Call me crazy, just don't call me late for breakfast!

We paid for ICSI, but we went back and forth about whether or not to just plan on using it. I'm feeling like we should, but as it stands, we are going to take their recommendation on the day of the retrieval.

I have another scan and blood work appointment tomorrow morning, and we'll find out tomorrow afternoon if we are going to trigger Friday for a Sunday retrieval, or Saturday for a Monday retrieval.

The good news is that I have a great plan for distracting myself during the two week wait: A new Kitten! For the moment she is nameless, but we're very close. If only naming our children will be as easy.  Once she has a name I'll post a picture. She is a tuxy like Zoe, but she has a different personality, and will likely be long and lanky, instead of uber petit.

Keep all those fingers crossed for us, we need 'em.

Maybe I should have named this cycle: It ain't over 'til it's over...

I spent most of the afternoon, until I had to go to work, reading Comfort me With Apples by Ruth Reichl.  Food writing, plus a biography, what could be better to distract me from my own situation?

At about 3:45 a random nurse called to give me my instructions: stay the course and come in for another ultrasound and your pre-op on Thursday. Huh?  I thought the cycle was clearly in the krapper?  She seemed surprised, but offered to have one of the doctors call me back the next day. I agreed, but immediately called my regular nurse who promised to get a hand written, and therefore hand delivered message to the doctor so she would call us at the end of her day.  I wasn't available, so Husband took the call.  She's not worried about the big honkin' follicle on my right ovary. It doesn't seem to be dominant, and she thinks that the others, at least 3, will continue to grow. Her concern is that by letting the others grow we may lose the one that is currently a 16 on the left. However, as long as I have 6, we are in the land of IVF. 

I am not sure why I am comforted by this--perhaps I am 'comfort-able' in away that I haven't been in the past.

It is still not ideal, but it is not the disaster we had in our first cycle or in our Dec cycle, so I shall continue to trudge dutifully onward.

Thanks for all the support yesterday!

Ugh: first scan, not so good

Things aren't looking so good. There are about 5 follicles over 10, but on the right ovary there is a follicle over 21. Dominant bastard follicle. We'll talk to Dr Calm later and get her take, but from where we sit, it's not looking so good. More later.

If you don't want to hear me whine about something silly, just keep moving

So, about a month ago husband and I went on a little vacation (5 days away, 7 days here, really nice). I ate a lot of things I don't usually eat (pastries, cookies, ice cream, vodka tonics etc), and then went on Endom.etrian for 14 days.  The understandable result of this combo is a bit of bloat, and bit of weight gain.

Fast forward to today.  I am feeling a bit fat. I know, I know, I'm in an IVF cycle, what do I expect?

I never really lost the endometr.ian bloat, and since my craving for sweets didn't drop off until I got of the Endme.trian, I didn't really lose any of the weight, and now my pants are tight. Let me correct that: my fat pants are tight in the waist, still pretty comfy in the butt, as were my skinny pants (to be clear, we are talking size 12 and 14, not 2 and 4), but the waist is really uncomfortable. Add to that a nice collection of belly bruises, and I'm looking at the next week and wondering what I am going to wear. Ugh.  I know that summer is the time of dresses, and if it were warmer here, I do have 3 I can wear that will be very comfy, even on my estrogen swollen boo.bs.

But somehow I feel sort of disappointed that I am starting out this cycle in a bad place physically.  I have a good diet, and I've been upping my veggie intake and lowering my wheat and other carb intake, but all that will do is aid my digestion, not make my pants feel better. Ms Estrogen and her magical bloating abilities will make sure I gain, not lose.

One thing I never realized when I was hearing other infertiles talk about the bloating that happens in IVF was that they weren't just talking about belly bloat, but allover body bloat. 

I am one of those annoying people who has a hard time concentrating when my clothes feel wrong.

Maybe I'll head to Marshalls and see if I can get some comfy things to wear to work while I'm in this state.

I know it is silly to complain about these things. They are problems with solutions, but isn't it always the way that when one's body is involved there are often feelings of shame and of feelings of loss of control. Maybe it is a way to symbolize the out of controlness of an IVF cycle. Or maybe it is that my pants are too tight. Oy.

Ouchie oochie

Because of an oversight on my doctors part, I had to have a new saline sono done for this cycle. Of course, I had to have it while I was on my period, so it was VERY uncomfortable. Right up the with the HSG if you ask me.  However, all is good under the hood, so I'll start Gonal F and Menop.ur tomorrow!

We prepaid for ICSI, just in case the sperm isn't as swishy as it ought to be. Dr W said that she would order a very low threshold for ICSI. It is good to have her taking care of the fact that this is our last chance with my eggs, and any missteps are unrecoverable. Of course, rescue ICSI works, but who needs that stress?

I'm having little waves of dread, and excitement, and I've decided to go with "6th time's the charm?"  It feels pithy and funny, and that feels just right.

Here's hoping for smooth sailing.

6th time's the charm

Lining is thin, no cysts, and the starting gun has been fired on IVF #6. I gave myself the microsose Lupron shot at about 10:30. I'll update later with E2 and FSH numbers. Please pardon my brevity, I'm posting from my phone.

Cycle Day 1!

I was just ready to call this day a wash, when the old girl showed up! Yay! I'm all set for my ultrasound tomorrow morning, meds are getting delivered tomorrow, and as long as there are no cysts, were a go!

What to name the cycle? I've gotten some great suggestions:

-IVF 6: The one with the live baby!

-"6th time's the charm"

-The IVF that worked!

-Six is the new IVF (and my variation on this is: 6 is the new 'first time we tried')

-IVF 6: Let's get this party started

-IVF 6: The one that sticks

-let's get the in utero party started"

-I hope you pull one out of the hat (which led me to think of 'pulling it out of the crapper')

While I love the positive vibe, I don't think I can jump right to "The one that worked"

I tend to lean more towards, well, the sarcastically hopeful side.

At the moment I'm considering 6 is the new 'first time we tried'. It captures the ridiculousness of doing 6 IVF's, and it is the first time we'll try to donor sp.erm. So it is sarcastic and accurate...

Watch this space!