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Cyclesista

Sock it too Me 2009!

« Stop the world and let me off...I'm tired of going round and round | Main | Go give her some Love »

May 20, 2009

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meinsideout

Wow, lots of food for thought. I remember the first time I read comments on a site that basically said that people like me should just give up, that God obviously did not want me and mr. m to reproduce and that was "a sign" to listen up. I was crushed, I was hurt and I so took it personally. I waffled for weeks. I feel guilty for not being "ready" for adoption, which is a horribly stressful and scary journey in itself.

Entitlement. "someone's belief that one is deserving of some particular reward or benefit" Hmmm. Wanting/choosing to have a baby does not feel like a "reward" or a "benefit" to me. I rather think of having a child as a choice - a choice that once one makes it, at least for me, the drive to do so has so many twists and turns that I will never take another person's journey into the unknown for granted. But as an entitlement and then add ART into the picture to further enforce the entitlement? I do not think so. I mean you could twist it around and say that adoption feeds into the entitlement as well...

I am also deeply offended by someone who admits to not having much knowledge and experience about ART and for that person to spout off about ART. One of the the gifts from my own journey is to listen to those struggling in life with empathy and to quit judging and making broad generalizations about an experience, whatever that experience that may be.

I am so sorry that you felt so badly. You know what they say, opinions are like *(&^%$& and everybody has one. I know that some people would think what I am doing is an abomination, disgusting, perverse and just plain wrong. That is just the way it is. I try not to think about "them" or what they "think".

I wonder what the state of reproduction would be if there were no ART treatments? More black market babies? Black market sperm and egg businesses. I am going to try and turn my brain off now. ((HUGS))

Kami

I think I forgot to put in the code to post my comment.

In a nutshell: We all - fertile and sub-fertile have kids for selfish reason. It is a primal need. We do the best we can as parents. The benefit of those of us who have really struggled is that we choose again and again if we are fully committed to being the best parents we can be.

Mo

oh boy. i know i don't know you in real life, but i feel i can safely say that entitled and classist you are not (hmmm...that sentence structure is a little yoda like but i think you catch my drift). please do not swallow this whole.

Mo

Sara

I typed a whole long comment yesterday, but apparently I forgot to put the code in to make it post (even after reading Kami's comment-doh!). Aargh! I don't have it in me to retype the whole thing, but just wanted to let you know that I totally agree with Mo. The very fact that the accusation hurt you and made you think so hard is evidence that you don't take anything for granted, and that you are willing to question your own motives. I'm sorry that you have been so upset.

Not On Fire

The idea of being selfish is an interesting one. Couldn't you argue that many of our decisions are selfish. We eat animals that had to die before they hit the barbeque. We eat plants and the farms where they were grown took up space that other animals may have wanted. It is hard not to think of anything that we do that is not selfish at least partly. Does that make us bad? I don't think so.

These children that are born of ART may get good or bad parents. Life has no guarantees. The children may have preferred that they were born under other circumstances and they might have that in common with their parents. I think that the ART = Selfish argument is off balance. Without ART these children would not be here. I wanted to be a parent because I thought my life would be richer and it has been. I also thought that we could share a happy life with our sons and I think that we have been successful so far.

While there are religious or moral objections to ART, the objections do not usually rely on the argument that ART wounds the children that born that way.

Where is this leading? I say, follow your path and tell anyone who objects to get lost.

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