Hello all 'yall. I thought that I should post something about why I have turned into a "help rejecting complainer** in my responses to your good luck and good wishes comments.
I find being hopeful in the face of terrible odds extremely painful, and some how it makes me feel invisible, as if the reality of this terrible situation can be overcome by good feelings. It can't. I don't even think you think that. I imagine you offer me you hope and good wishes in the spirit of a life line. The pain surrounding this reality can be touched by your good wishes, and I need all the good wishes you can muster for my own psychic survival, but the fact of the fucked up chromosomes is unmovable, and hope just feels like salt in the wound.
So yes, it is good that we've made it this far, maybe even to a day 6 transfer, but the likelihood of these, or maybe just this, embryo turning into a viable human being is so low as to be laughable. That isn't to say that it can't happen, or even that I don't believe it could happen, or that I don't want it to happen. But it is very unlikely to happen.
Anybody remember NBHHY? It was started by Getup Grrl at Chez Miscarriage (best fucking blog ever). She had DES exposure, and had a t shaped uterus. She endured many miscarriages, and had a doctor who kept hope alive for an unbearably long time. When she would get pregnant, or even when they finally moved on to a surrogate, and when there was a positive development, one could comment NBHHY, which stands for "nothing bad has happened yet". Some days, that is about all the positivity I can bear.
So say what is in your hearts, and offer me your hope, but know that there will be times when it is hard for me to be gracious. And if you are stuck, but want to say something, try out "NBHHY". It works wonders.
**someone who asks for help, like has a blog, but who when you attempt to help them says "yes but"