Each morning I wake up and wonder "will this be the day?" Of course there isn't a positive connotation in that for me, it is filled with dread. Will this be the day I go to the bathroom and find bright red blood in my underwear? Will this be the day that my breasts deflate and I know that it's over.
I really really don't want to be this person, I want to just take it as it comes, but it I feel so bound, hand and foot to this dread.
In the morning when I wake up I start prodding my breasts and assessing myself for morning sickness. My breasts and belly are always less swollen in the am, and I have a bit of a panic, and then calm myself down. Today it occurred to me that my breasts always hurt as the day progresses, and that I should shut up and calm down.
One of the wacky ideas I entertain is peeing on HPT (home pregnancy tests), but then I think, no that won't tell you if it's failing, because they are sensitive to a much lower degree of HCG than you'd have even if it was failing. So basically I just torture myself.
I do have my ultrasound scheduled for Monday at 2:15. So, hour gold hour of lead.