When I started TTC I felt both afraid of being infertile and convinced of being fertile. I harbored a secret belief that there was something good and strong and whole about my ovaries and uterus. The first IVF, with its dismal response and conversion to IUI shook whatever little bit of faith I had in my ovaries. But the response this cycle has restored some measure of confidence in my body's ability to be helped. Today's ultrasound showed 13 follicles, 10 measuring 11 or above with three stragglers at 9. My estrogen is over 1500 ("sky high" quoth Dr Calm). My retrieval will likely be Sunday or Monday, with my pre-op appointment on Friday. I actually feel excited. I know none of this guarantees anything, but to have made it to this threshold, and to have a high chance of making it to egg retrieval feels like a victory.
My bottom half wants to lie on the couch with the hot bucky on my ovaries, and the top half of my body wants to run around and finish up projects, clear off my desk and get library books.